No Aloha - The Breeders
so this morning i underwent an outpatient surgery called a tympanoplasty. long story short- i blew a hole in my eardrum around thanksgiving without knowing it and then it just couldn’t heal. the doctors watched it and said it wasn’t getting smaller and it wasn’t healing so i had 2 choices: live with the hole, diminished hearing, and never put my head under water OR get the damn thing fixed.
i decided to get it fixed. i arrived this morning, met with all the people and answered the same questions 4 times, climbed into a paper gown, and had the surgery done. i think the thing that made me most nervous was the anesthesia. i am always terrified i am going to say something weird or embarrass myself. i am sure those docs and nurses have stories for days.
before i went in they had to give me a pregnancy test and i was laying there kind of doped up and the nurse looks at me and says “IT’S TWINS!” i am pretty sure i laughed because that it EXACTLY what you want to hear when your head is full of fog and misty feelings.
i woke up, and i wanted OUT. all the sudden i was back being moved to a different bed and taken to a recovery room where my mom was. i was not in pain but my throat hurt from the intubation. UGH. i never want anyone to shove a hose down my throat again. my head was numb and my hair was matted with blood. i just wanted a shower y’all!
i sat around for a second, ate 2 pieces of toast and drank my juice (give my son the juice!) and i was so ready to leave. my mom took me home, i artfully showered without wetting my ear and i am laying in my own bed.
which brings me to my point, why are some people such babies??? i was reading reviews of the surgery and people were like freaking the fuck out, so weak, etc. maybe it’s just me but i am ready to get back to my real life now. i am going to work tomorrow people! maybe their personality is one that needs to be coddled or they have never been through this before. this is the 3rd time i have had this surgery and it was the easiest. modern medicine has progressed in the past 13 years! HOORAY! but seriously, i need to stop reading other people’s experiences because i don’t believe in sitting around, feeling sorry for yourself, and complaining. i want to enjoy my life thank you very much.
the only thing is, i have to be careful to not lift over 10 lbs. which is actually really hard for me because i am the type of person who wants to do everything myself. i told them i didn’t need a wheelchair out of the hospital but they insisted. like don’t pity me! i am fine! go help some sick person! i also won’t be able to work out for a while which means i might just live off of miso soup and frozen yogurt. kind of sounds awesome though.
right now i can’t really hear well out of the left ear. it is leaking blood (much less than a few hours ago) and it is kind of numb. feels like they shot Novocain into the left side of my head. I FOUND A WEIRD SIDE EFFECT THOUGH! it was actually kind of cool. all sweet things taste sort of sour and salty at first. i ate ice cream (naturally) and the first taste is like this alarming sour-ish (almost metallic feeling on the side of my tongue, the side i can feel). the other thing is that these little blood soaked bits of something keep leaking out of my ear…not sure what they are. i think maybe it’s the packing inside the ear canal that is blood soaked and breaking off from whatever is in there. oh well!
i am pissed that i had to have the surgery at all not because of the pain but because my life is so busy and i just don’t know how to slow down. maybe my students will think it’s super cool when blood trickles out of my neck during their exam. bless their middle school hearts!
i was looking HOT post-op right!?!